10-12 hours in four days

i need to go to school tomorrow and i am most deff not excited about it at all my teacher is really mad i havnt called her in days and i blew off the interveiw 4 times and well prolly blew my chances at this internship i really wanted but i just couldnt get out of bed ive been drowning in y own pathetic thoughts i need to get out of my own head ive been spending way to much time with myself you would think after being molested and raped and the raped again i wouldnt be to fond of sex but stranglyi love it and crave it and theres got to be somethng wrong with me right what kind of person am i thats prolly why ugh i cant even say it i had that orgasm how could i tell that to someone thats something that eats me up inside all the time one of the most painfull parts about it my head feels like its about to fucking explode i just really hope it dosnt because that would be the end of it i really tried to tell karissa what happened and whats been going on ut it was to hard i couldnt even get the conversation started it would put me in such an awkward position i wrote her note explaining myself but also begging not to even mention the fact that she knows or ask any questions i have yet to give it to her i feel like it would just be to weird i could say anything on her you dont know who i am what i look like or where i live you dont know me you dont see me everyday you dont know anything about me and its great otherwise i wouldnt write anything that i thought down i prolly wouldnt even have a blog ata ll and if i did it would prolly be very boring

so its 409 in the morning and im still not even half asleep and im not sure how much longer i can go eith out sleep dont get me wrong ive slept a few hours here and there but right now if memory serves me right ive slept a total of 10-12 hours in 4 days and im not really sure how healthy it is but i can imagine it prolly isnt to good mentally im a drained emotionally im done pyshicallly im beat i wish someone could understand what im going through i need this to end everything