not so sure

im not exactually sure how to start im new to blogging but this is kind of a lsat resort its my story.

you see i can not talk to anyone about whats going on i dont trust anyone and i cant feel anythinganymore. i am 18 years old and almost a year ago while i ws comng hime from a long night of drinking and smokeing both pot and ciggerttes,well on this night i had no patenice to wait for the buss so i decided to walk.theres a block with not to much night life happening and a nature center. ive done this walk a million times before. but this time it was different this time i was not alone. almost passed the middle of the block i heard someone walking behind me i didnt think much of it because it was not that late out yet. i continued walking and smoking my ciggertte. he started to walk faster and still stupidly i did not see anything wrong with it. until he grabbed me and pulled me out of sight.i wasnt sure what i was going to do i wasnt sure if he was going to rape me or worse kill me. or both. i just knew i wanted to be home. he oulled oit hus knife. and told me to shut up i was giving him a hedach.i couldnt breathe he was laying on top of me. breathing on me touching me and then hhe was inside of me. inside of me over and over again. speaking to me as if i wanted it. i did want it i asked for it i didnt fight to hard maybe i could have gotten out frm under him.tell me you love me he whispered so i did tell me you want it and i said it this was his play he ws the lead role asnd knew all his lines and he force fed me mine.then the strangest thing happened i actuallly had a orgasim. if i didnt want this how on earth did i get an orgasim. turn over you slut. i dint wnt to do it i knew what was happening he was going to kiill me this is it this is the end.then too my suprise i felt excrusiating pain but not from a knife entering my back or sliting my throat it was the worst pain ive felt in my life ive never felt anything like it. he analy raped me. why couldnt he just kill me alredy this was too painfull to baer pulls my head back and tells me what a good fre fuck i am the only thing im good for. then he wasnt inside me anymore. it was finally over no. no it wasnt because when he was done he said i did you now you do me and proceeded to shove his peis into my mouth i cried i gaged noone could love you your ugly yur a slutt you dirty bitch word of a stranger that would stick with me for what seems like for ever.illove yu though ill stay with you. i tried so hard not t throw up but this was my bgreaking point i threw up angrliy he zipped up spit on me then slapped me. love you see you soon.now it was finally over. i sat there for god knows how long crying. i layed there wishing i would die.


ive never acttually told anyone this story i have a friend ive told but ive nevr told the story what actually happened to be that night.i need help biut i do not have the strength to say this out loud i can write it down and type it but as soonm as i think about talking about it i choke up i loose my voice and i cry uncontrolably.i just needed to tell my story.