half a brain and half a heart

i havnt slept in days when ever i close my eyes i can hear him talking to me. wisherpering to me it makes my skin crawl and my heart stop. sometimes im afraid if i open my eyes he will be there. im terrified. and tired i rerun what happened to me thrugh my head constanly and if im not thinking aboutthat im turning around behinde me to make sure noone is following me.i need all of these feelings to stop and just go away im not sure how much longer ive got in me the days are getting to tough and longer i need a break i need a full nights sleep i need to be whole again because it feeels like im walking around with half a brain and half a heart i dont even feel like a person. i feel like a monster frankie is the lasst thing on my mind frankie is my older cousin who raped and molseted me for almost 7 years i was finally starting to except it happened and forgive frankie well maybe not forgive but now i relize what im worth. wish i had someone to talk to but noone understands it noone really knows except my bestfriend who dosnt even know the half of it how could i tell every gory embarassing detail i cant even say it to myself while writing my firs blog i cried hysterically when i try and talk my words disappear. i need to get olut of this hell i need to be who i was before i belong to him. i dont see how this can get any better.